“Then I pray God won’t let this wedding happen.” The words of my future mother-in-law unwittingly crushed the sliver of self-esteem I had managed to salvage. This small sentence seemed to sign the death certificate to the only chance of happiness I had left in this season. Little did I know, I would soon be thanking her for the prayers.
Hi, my name is Campbell, and I called off my own wedding. Three weeks before I was scheduled to say, “I do.” A horrible, unwanted, and heart shattering day that no person wishes on anyone, happened to me. This entry is to explain why this unexpected time turned out to be the greatest day of my life. This entry is to describe an account of God turning ashes into beauty. If you suspect you can glean any comfort, wisdom, or encouragement from this testimony, then please read on.
For those of you who know me personally, you know that this split actually occurred a couple months back. There was no explosion after this happened. No facebook rants, no sad emojis published, and definitely no gossip flaming up between social circles. All was quiet on the social media front. In reality, however, there was a vast reservoir of shame, guilt, and rejection being deposited in my heart-every feeling shrieking that I was a failure. Things might have been easier if cheating, drugs, or some sort of extreme betrayal had been involved. Although, in all honesty, two young people who just weren’t equipped spiritually was the root of the disintegration.
Looking back now, I thank God for protecting me (and him) from a potential life time of compromise. I was slowly giving up pieces of myself in order to fit a lifestyle that I was never intended for. I tucked dreams away in order to prepare for “reality”. However, the actual reality is this: God will never ask or expect us to be like anyone other than ourselves. He will never ask us to pack away huge dreams so that we may relate to the mundane better. He will never ask us to compromise who we are designed to be in order to blend in and people please. Reader, you are destined and designed to be a trailblazer. Do not let anything hold you back- be it a relationship, a negative attitude, or any rejection you may have experienced in the past. If God has drilled anything into my spirit this season, it is that no matter how many areas I have failed in, I am not a failure. Nor will I ever be. I am fearfully and wonderfully made on purpose for a purpose. Just like you, dear Reader.
There are cravings, dreams, and desires stirring in the soul of man. Some of those dreams include marriage and family for many people, which is lovely and God ordained. But if all other God breathed dreams must die in order to fulfill one longing, is it worth attaining? This had been the case for me when I chose the ring over God’s revelation. Dear Reader, you can have it all: joy, peace, love, and every wild idea God whispered to you in the prayer closet.
The day I gave up the ring, I gave up compromising God’s call on my life. As for life after the ring. . . To put it simply, God has made me free indeed. Free from other’s expectations, free from rejection, guilt, shame, condemnation, and the like. Free to dream bigger with a renewed passion and vigor. Free to be satisfied solely through my Maker. Because let’s face it: human romance is beautiful, but to be swept away in the love story that is God surpasses all expectation and is a greater pursuit than any dream or desire.
Dear Reader, if there is any encouragement I could leave you with based off of this season of my life, it would be this: fight viciously for every piece of your relationship with God, because He is fighting viciously for every piece of His relationship with you. Whether you’ve been through 25 failed relationships, or you’ve never been asked out on a date, seek God’s face first. Only the Creator can complete and fulfill His creation. It will never matter if we end up single all our lives or married with 14 kids if we never did it in the pursuit of God.
In the end, we all get our happily ever afters when we accept that Jesus is the way, truth, and life. Living the crazy life that Jesus designed is far more satisfying than looking to the world to quench our never ending thirsts, even in the darkest times. This season certainly hasn’t been the easiest. There have been many hard lessons along the way, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world because God has walked through every step of it with me. There is nothing more valuable than His presence in our lives. The day we give up our selfish desires is the day we receive the freedom to pursue God’s purpose for our lives.
Be blessed, Reader.
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33)